Emma Watson's dress

Emma Watson's shoes

My teenager has just come back from two days at my parents. She rocked up there in complete Victoriana, a ruffly white dress ("It's dirty." "I know, it's supposed to be."), little lace-up boots, and a black and white leg o' mutton sleeve coat. The little match girl indeed.

Of course my parents are horrified. My dad spent the whole two days sighing. My mum, who possesses a rapier wit, said cruelly that my teenager looked like Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen (a camp interior designer). To make matters worse, the 'perfect cousin', all meek manners and Christian values, same age as my daughter, was there.

"I told them that they didn't have to buy me anything, that I'm not celebrating Christmas. Grandpa and Grandma hate me now" says my teenager.

"They don't really you know. It's me they hate. They are just expressing their annoyance with me through you."

She is very happy however because they bought her Emma Watson's(1) dress and shoes from a vintage shop. The dress was made by Emma Watson's mother. It is rather lovely. 

"So what happened with your friend the other night?" I ask, referring to the sleepover.

"Well she just annoys me. She's really depressed. I'm really depressed but I don't like other people so I don't cry about it. It's all second layer stuff anyway."

My teenager has this theory: most problems fit into 'second layer stuff'. This includes love problems, money problems, housing, education, body issues, politics, health. She, on the other hand, only worries about 'first layer problems' which are existential: Why are we here? Are we even here? What is the nature of consciousness? That type of stuff.

"What are your friends 'second layer problems'?" I ask patiently.

"Well she's not very attractive, not very intelligent, her mum has made her live in a foreign country, and she's always crying about losing her dads."

"Her dad...z?" I emphasize the plural. 

"Yeah her real dad and her step-dad died. But that was years ago! She's still going on about it." says my teenager wearily.

"Hmm to lose one dad is unfortunate, to lose two is carelessness" I paraphrase.

We both snicker nastily.

(1) Emma Watson is of course the actress who plays Hermione in the Harry Potter films. My teenager is a Harrypotterologist.

apple mac's terrible customer services

I've been a mac user since 1992. I don't even know how to use a p.c. But since the ipod came out the customer service has gone down the drain. 

Last friday I went to the Brent Cross apple mac shop to buy my daughter a laptop for xmas. My card was declined. They put it through 3 times. Declined each time. I insisted on calling the credit card company. I'd been charged 4 times. The mac shop disagreed and refused to refund me or give me the laptop, saying i had to return the next day to sort it out.

Over the weekend they sent me emails confirming that they are in the right and i haven't been charged. The credit card company equally insist that they are right and that I have been charged 4 times. I'm out of pocket by £2,600 and have no laptop. 

Called apple mac help line: "no we are the manufacturers and we can't help you." I insist. " Well then you have to get your statement and prove that you have been charged 4 times." Stifling an inward scream of indigation and frustration, I say "well that will be after christmas which is no good to me, plus i'm a customer, and why should i be running around when obviously your system has a fault!". 

I'm still waiting for an answer to that one.