What to buy each sun sign as a gift

It's a bit early for Christmas but if you are very organised, a Virgo perhaps, then here are some hints:

Aries: a red rosette stating that they are 'Number One'. Tweezers for their monobrow.

Taurus: Food, blankets, singing lessons.

Gemini: anything gossipy... Katie Price's latest autobiography? Language courses. Subscription to Time Out.

Cancer: things to cook with; therapy; subscription to home improvements magazine, antiques.

Leo: wigs, a Hollywood style mirror with lots of lightbulbs around.

Virgo: sewing machine, gardening tools, anything craft.
Libra: dentistry, a session getting their colours done. 

Scorpio: cleaning products, drain cleaner, a voucher for colonic irrigation, sex.

Sagittarius: horse riding lessons, holidays, New Age books. 

Capricorn: stand up comedians course, a book to write their accounts in.

Aquarius: nothing, they don't believe in Christmas.

Pisces: alcohol. Unless they are Muslim or underage in which case, a prayer book or music.