7 year itch

As a statement was put out that Madonna and Guy Ritchie are divorcing, after 7 1/2 years of marriage, my thoughts turned to a talk on relationship astrology at the Lodge last Monday night. The speaker said that most relationships last 7 years, a quarter of a Saturn cycle.

One of Guy Ritchie's reasons for divorcing Madonna is her obsession with the Kaballah and, as a confirmed atheist, I sympathize. However recently someone dumped me apparently because of my interest in astrology which he said was "as bad as being religious"... that really hurt because I thought of him a friend too. (Although it may have had more to do with the fact that I'm not 25, a size 8, and with a brain the size of a pea. In the immortal words of Sharon Stone..."If you have a vagina and an attitude in this town, then that's a lethal combination. ")

Men don't like you to get upset or emotional. If you do then you are 'mental'. Right. Being fucked, if I may speak so boldly, means having somebody inside your bodily cavities!!!! Literally inside you. Women are supposed to take this lightly? Excuse me if I don't get over it in ten seconds.

I don't believe in astrology, I'm interested in it, simply because it seems to work. I don't know why, it just does. I view it's unerring accuracy with fascination. There are times when I am more interested... Recently, with the credit crunch, which has been predicted by astrologers for decades, astrology has proved itself worth a closer look don't you think?

popbitch

A certain female megastar, about whom a book has been written by her brother, which details her financial stinginess. Well it's all true. I've heard it first hand.

The megastar and her daughter were in New York, where mummy was, as usual, working. So the megastar's daughter needed company. The megastar's personal assistant calls up the mother of the megastar's daughter's best friend to invite the child to New York.

"How delightful" said the mother of the friend "what an opportunity for my daughter".

Then the megastar's personal assistant said "Well if you'd like to give me your credit card details I will book the flights"

Taken aback, the mother of the friend said flustered "er no, um, I'll sort it out myself."

As the child was only invited last minute, the flight cost the mum £1,200. This was a sum she could ill afford, especially as she is an ordinary working mum with other children. Of course this sum would be peanuts for the megastar. The mother paid of course, too embarrassed to state the obvious fact that if you invite someone and you are rich, you pay.

Maybe sometimes one can take that 'I don't want to be used by other people' thing too far...

Sparks

As a kid I drove my mother mad by incessantly playing The Sparks album "Kimono my house". Russell Mael's high pitched falsetto and Ron Maels' repetitive keyboards grated...
Tonight went to see them at the Carling Academy Islington, an intimate venue, one of a series of 21 dates in which they play selected songs from each of their albums. Having missed the "Kimono my house" gig, it was the turn of the "Interior Design" 1988 album.
Ron looked identical but then he looked 50 even when he started in the 70's. Russell has lost his prettiness and his curls but they are both in good shape. The band was tight and the music sounded contemporary...the great thing about being slightly avant-garde is that your music doesn't date so rapidly. The audience were a mix of middle aged men in Saville row suits, rockers, and a surprising amount of young people. Funniest moment of the night was when Ron came out from behind his keyboards, did a stiff little dance and sang on his own. Huge applause and a wag shouted out "Go solo!" to much laughter.
I met Horton Jupiter of They came from the stars, I saw them, a similarly futuristic and keyboard based group who I've been a fan of for some time now.
Afterwards while scoffing the £3.50p all you can eat meal from Indian veg in Chapel Market, Horton explained how Madonna's Like a Prayer is actually about blowjobs...

"When you call my name its like a little prayer
Im down on my knees, I wanna take you there
In the midnight hour I can feel your power
Just like a prayer you know Ill take you there"

The best bit in Quentin Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs was the beginning when they deconstruct Madonna's 'Like a Virgin':

MR. PINK
"Like a Virgin" is all about a
girl who digs a guy with a big
dick. The whole song is a
metaphor for big dicks.
MR. BLUE
No it's not. It's about a girl
who is very vulnerable and she's
been fucked over a few times.
Then she meets some guy who's
really sensitive--
MR. ORANGE
You said "True Blue" was about a
nice girl who finds a sensitive
fella. But "Like a Virgin" was a
metaphor for big dicks.
MR. PINK
Let me tell ya what "Like a
Virgin"'s about. It's about some
cooze who's a regular fuck
machine.
I mean all the time, morning, day,
night, afternoon, dick, dick,
dick, dick, dick,
dick, dick, dick, dick, dick,
dick.
MR. BLUE
How many dicks was that?
MR. WHITE
A lot.
MR. PINK
Then one day she meets a John
Holmes motherfucker, and it's
like, whoa baby. This mother
fucker's like Charles Bronson in
"The Great Escape." He's diggin
tunnels. Now she's gettin this
serious dick action, she's feelin
something she ain't felt since
forever. Pain.
MR. PINK
It hurts. It hurts her. It
shouldn't hurt. Her pussy should
be Bubble-Yum by now. But when
this cat fucks her, it hurts. It
hurts like the first time. The
pain is reminding a fuck machine
what is was like to be a virgin.
Hence, "Like a Virgin."
The fellas crack up.

So are all Madonna's songs basically about sex?